I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
