I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
