Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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