So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I need moral support for this bender
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
