I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
