I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
