Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
