I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
