On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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