Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dear god my vagina.
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