dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You can't special order awesome
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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