Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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