ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
