True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
