Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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