You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
