i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
