now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
