So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
