What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
