Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
