i permit you to call me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
