dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
