We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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