I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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