so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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