I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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