Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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