Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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