How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
