I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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