If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
