tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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