And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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