The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
