Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
