I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
