Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
