O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
