There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everclear isn't food dammit
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
