We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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