And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
