What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
