There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
