At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
