Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
