she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Come share oat with me in your robe
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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