i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wanna go halves on a baby?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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