I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
