Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
