I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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