I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
